The Start With No End

With the imminent start of classes, I already have an assignment for the first day of my required course as a new grad student in the department. This required course is called Integrative Principles, but I shall refer to it as IP henceforth. All the other grad students warn new students about the difficulty and intensity of this class, and many faculty discourage their incoming grad students from taking other courses simultaneously (my professor not being one of them). You know a class will be intense when you have homework before the class has even started. But after three years of not being in school, I am so excited to have assigned readings, that I've already done the reading for Wendesday and Friday. Though, sadly, this will probably be the only time in the semester that I've done the reading so far in advance. I'm sure I won't be able to continue this trend as the semester starts.

This weekend passed quickly because it was the first time all summer that I distinguished between the weekdays and the weekend. I had a list of things to accomplish and when everything wasn't crossed off my list when I looked at the clock on Sunday at 9:30pm, I was a bit distressed. It was the start of never being ahead of things for the rest of my graduate career. In fact, this was probably my last weekend without true worries. I've enjoyed the past several weeks getting ahead of the few obligations I had. But, as my graduate school experience approaches its official start, I realized I will always have work to do. There will always be something I could or should be doing, even during the weekend and on breaks. Ideally, you are studying something fun, and at this point, I feel like I've chosen well. But the idea of that never-ending stress and guilt weighing on you even when you have tried to step away from your studies on breaks is what scares me most about grad school.